Letter To The Woman I Love

17 August 2007

I wonder why I never told you this before. Why I never ustered enough strength to tell you what has been running trough my head for a years now. Maybe inside me I hoped you already knew, you probabaly do but I can't rest while the damned words still refuse to leave my lips, or my pen. I'm sorry it had to be this way.

I didn't want to tell you before because I was afraid you'd run, without realizing I was the one turning away. It is still in me, I can't get it out, I can't sleep while it is in me. Even now I can't even go straight to the motherfucking point.

I care for you, I like you, I want to be with you, I want to tell you all this because I feel I'd have to or die. I know I sound clichèd, but those are the best words I can come up with. In every crowd I pray in silence that you are there somewhere. In every laughter of mine I long for the times I made you smile in a way. And even if I don't truly understand what love is, I promise you that the moment  I do understand I will tell you I love you. (or I loved you)

I'm just a friend, a friend who got a little too close to the untouchable line between friendship and something more. A friend who tripped on the damn line, too afraid to et you know so I started walking away. If you walked away too, if you stood there and waited for me to come back, if ran to me, trying to call me back I would never know for I didn't look back. Iwas afraid to see you there nomore. It was the thing I regret the most, and I will regret for the rest of this miserable life I live without you.

Maybe I'm grasping at straws, too late to come back searching for the friend I lost. Maybe I' wrong to think I need to say these things to you, but being afraid of ending up wrong got me here in the first place, now I don't even care if I'm right

Do I listen too much to love songs? Maybe, maybe not, maybe I listened to the wrong love songs, I don't know. I just want to hear a love song that you sing, smel the scent you always wear, see a smile i longed for.

I probably have to be ready for something I don't want to hear. I already am, I'm ready for anything, it doesn't mean it wont hurt for God knows I know the feeling too well to like it much more to be numb to it. A'm not asking for nothing more than you hear me out, which by reading this you have. Hear me out with an open-mind would be great, maybe I'm asking for too much if I asked for an open heart.

Thank you for your time. Sorry if I said or did anything that needs apologizing. I hope that in the years to come, you'll say something back, but you know what, forget that. I don't need you tosay something, just a smile would be great.