The Right Kind of Famous

02 January 2013

I want to be famous.

Who doesn't want to be famous? Perhaps people under the witness protection program. Me, I want to be famous like nobody else has ever become. I want to be famous for everything I have ever done and anything I will ever do. Even buying groceries. I want people to be like "Oh my god! Ernest Angeles buys San Miguel Beer, Chicken, and Fried Chicken breading! Then he rents Die Hard! I totally eat beer and eat fried chicken while watching Bruce Willis action movies too!"

I don't want to be just any famous guy. I have listed down four qualities I want my kind of fame to have.

First, I want it to be Big. I want everybody to know my name and my face. I would be walking into a train station and all CCTV cameras would suddenly point to me. My face would be in billboards across EDSA and the North Luzon Expressway. I would be endorsing everything. Even feminine wash. It would be like "Ernie Angeles likes your vagina to smell like MAYAMAN Feminine wash, now with formaldehyde!" and people would buy it, even men would but it. I want there to be action figures of me and toy geeks would be like "Yeah, the new Hasbro Ernie Angeles release is pretty cool, it even comes with a computer chair stand and different wig attachments but I still like the v1 release, the face was more realistic and they used better material." I want people to know me so much that figures of speech have been made about me like "He ernie-d the pavement." which would mean he drank lots of beer or something. I want my name and my face to be everywhere.

Next, I want it to be Lasting. I don't want to be just a fad. I want to be famous like Shakespeare! After the initial attention has died down people will start studying my life and work in schools. There would be chapters in history books entitled "From the Early Post-Modern period to the Rise of Ernie". Hundreds of years after my death, preschoolers will be making dioramas from scenes of my life. Kids will be like "Yeah, this is called the Redefinition of Awesomeness." and other kids would go "Dude, everybody does Redefinition of Awesomeness dioramas, mine is The Mastering of Megalodons." School buildings will be named after me, I would be in every currency of every country. People would name their children after me and people would be like "Dude, that's a cool name."

Thirdly, I want it to be Annoying. I want to be so famous that I would regret being famous. I want to come to a point in my life where I could say to people that "Yeah, fame isn't everything it's hyped up to be. It's fucking annoying." I want to have to buy a new car and house every week because people keep finding out where I live and shouting outside holding up signs saying how much they love me. I want to not be able to watch a TV show without a mention of my name or seeing my face in the commercials and I would just cut-off all connection to the outside world because there is too much of me. I want to have to have a personal chef and personal farm because all the food packaging in grocery stores has my name or face on it and it sickens me. I want to be so famous that I will want to time travel and beat myself up at this moment of my life that I made this blog post and shout "YOU HAVE NO IDEA! YOU CURSED ME! YOU CURSED US! YOU CURSED FUTURE YOU. YOU FOOL!"

Lastly, I want my fame to be Significant. I don't want to be famous for something stupid like a youtube video or saying "Lady Arwen, we cannot delay." I want to be famous for world changing shit. Like I wrote a book or something and people were like "OH MY GOD, THIS IS THE BEST THING WRITTEN EVER. THE WORLD HAS TO CHANGE TO MAKE IT WORTHY TO BE WHAT CONTAINS THIS BOOK," or something similar. I want people to cry so much in my wake that the sea level would rise. I to be so significant that my grave would always have visitors, every fucking day. The visitors would bring their children to my grave and say things like "Back in my day, we used to worry a lot. We used to have war and lots of unnecessary violence. evil, sadness and bad stuff. This man, this man made sure you won't have that." Yeah, I want the thought of me to bring tears to people's eyes, even those who never actually met me.

Yeah, Big, Lasting, Annoying, Significant, that's the kind of fame I want.
I want to be even more famous than god.
In short, I want to be BLAS Famous.
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
BLASFAMOUS! Get it? HAHAHAHAHA! I'm a fucking genius.
Yeah the whole thing was  a lead up to that. It was wonderful. Feel free to ignore everything else except the joke. WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ah crap, I'm funny.

Woooh, HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! Blasfamous, still can't stop laughing.

Some Stupid Thing I Probably Shouldn't Be Doing But It's Done So What the Hell

04 May 2011

Because I'm so smitten

And I'm done admitting

I'm Writing this song about you

As I sit on the porch

As I've done before

I really have nothing to do

Then I think about you

As I'm known to do

Yeah really this is nothing new

Because I'm so smitten

And I'm done admitting

I'm really so smitten about you

I'm a hopeless romantic

That's sunk like Titanic

Yes I know how stupid that rhyme is

But I'm can't help myself

Maybe no one can help

Maybe you'd like to give it a shot

Because I'm just so smitten

For third time admitting

That I can't help but keep loving you

You've said it I know

I have to let go

To be frank all my friends say it too

I wish I just could

I know that I should

But what can I do it's just true

I'm so goddamn smitten

I do wish I wasn't

Because I know you can't love me too.

It's a Blog, What Do You Expect?

07 September 2010

Did you expect perfect use of language? Impeccable grammar? Correct Spelling? Did you expect discussions on the philosophy of language? In-depth analysis of political events? Scientific research papers? It's an effin' blog, you get as good grammar as I can come up with while typing with as little thought processing as possible. The closest thing to philosophical thinking would be bullshit armchair philosophy. The closest thing to in-depth analysis would be biased ranting about hearsay, and I'm not even touching scientific research, never.

This is a blog, and it's about bullshit emotions and stupid slice of life stories written in the crappiest possible.

Having said those stupid excuses, I'm gonna start with the vague allusions and senseless statements again. Not now, but soon.

----

Okay, maybe a little now.

I feel like a dick when I'm with you. I feel like I'm trying to come-off as something impressive and always falling short. I metaphysically slap my forehead every now and then for saying something stupid, or just plain acting like an idiot. There is so much of me that speaks of staying calm, of just being myself, but I end up doing these stupid things anyway. Or at least I think they're stupid, maybe you don't. I don't have enough balls to risk it.

I know it's futile and stupid and I'm not doing myself any favors by obsessing over it, it's just that there's nothing I can do. It's too late, what opportunity I may have had I lost a long time ago. I never recognized it. And even if I did, I wouldn't know what to do with it.

There is very little in this, this, whatever it is that stays and keeps us strangers from each other. Too little for me to try to figure out what it is. Too little, so we stay like this, on opposite sides of I don't know what. You just going on with your life. Me obsessing over this border I cannot cross, the fence I cannot see, the walls I cannot remove.

Textual Photography

11 August 2010

(Around a month or two ago I was introduced to Michael David Murphy's unphotographable.com and his concept of photography using words. I tried it out on my own, and it's pretty cool and useful as an exercise especially for describing settings in fiction and non-fiction and in detailing panels to an artist in comic book writing, here are some of what I came up with.)

This is a picture I did not take of a girl walking in the middle of the street as a light drizzle falls from the night sky. The curving street was lined and illuminated by deep yellow light from street lamp after street lamp. Her face glows at is passes the each lamp post, her hair sways with the falling leaves, and perhaps in recognition of the humming music of wind and drizzle to the asphalt, she twirls at the balls of her feet.

This is a picture I did not take of a boy checking his cellphone with his back turned to the bulletin board of Palma Hall Lobby at the University of the Philippines. His yellow shirt drooping over his shoulders and his jeans spilling on his white sneakers, his backpack hanging heavily on one shoulder, his glasses reflect the flourescent bulbs of the Palma Hall Lobby, masking his eyes. Behind him is a recruitment poster of some student org, featuring lovers holding hands.

This is a picture I did not take of a cockroach inside my black canvas school bag. Which I found on my yellow notebook as I pulled it out before my Creative Writing class starts. Smaller than the average roach and not the usual brown color, it's abdomen was striped black and white. It's head tilted towards me as I stared back at it, not with disgust, not with surprise, not with fear, but a mutual amazement.

Ano Nanamang Ka-Emohan 'To?

15 July 2010

Nalulungkot ako, wow, astig, mind-boggling news.

Masaya naman ang buhay ko, nageenjoy ako sa mga klase ko kahit na di hamak na mas maraming babasahin kesa sa mga ibang taon ko sa UP (siguro dahil binabasa ko na talaga ang mga babasahin). Nagsusulat ako ng prosa sa wikang mas mabilis ako magsulat (ingles, masakit mang aminin napakabagal at masalimuot ko magsulat sa Filipino), magagaling ang mga propesor ko at madami akong natututunan na dati rati'y nadidinig ko na pero wala akong interes noon. Nakakapagsulat ulit ako, ng madami, at nakakapag palitan ako ng pananaw, hinuha at pagkakaintindi sa mga matatalinong kaklase at propesor. Masaya maging estyudante ulit.

Hindi ako binabagabag ng mga problema tungkol sa sweldo, sa trabaho, sa mga sablay na ginagawa sa opisina, sa pagbabudget ng sweldo, sa pagbabayad ng sarili kong kinakain at tinitirhan, regular ang koneksyon ko sa internet. Nagpapakasasa nanaman ako sa pera ng magulang ko. Kahit na nahihiya na ako sa ganitong kalagayan, aaminin kong mas konbinyente nga ito at dapat lang na maging masaya ako dahil dito.

Ang mga kaibigan ko ay nariyan lang, kahit na madami ay nasa Med School na, nag-tatrabaho na, o basta gradweyt na e hindi naman talaga sila nawawala. Si Jammin at Roxanne ay sumusulpot pa rin paminsan-minsan sa Peyups (at si 633 nga e natanggap pa sa PNG habang nakatambay doon, sa sobrang invested ko sa paghahanap n'ya ng trabaho e lehitimong pagkatuwa ang naramdaman ko din noon). Si Tinek naman e alam ko naman kung nasaan lang, minsan parang naiisipan kong sugurin sa tinitirhan n'ya, alam kong pwede ko gawin yun. Kapag tinext ko sila nagrereply naman, ganun din ang iba pang parte ng barkadang wala na sa Diliman.

Ang barkada naman sa Diliman ay medyo mas lumalalim ang masayang pagsasama, sina Froilan, Zion, Nigel, Mark, Melgar atbp, na parang hiwalay na grupong pareho lang ng tambayan ay mas lalo pang nakikilala bilang mga totoong tao (minsan parang hindi pa rin sila tao, pero medyo mas tao na sila), na hindi naman puro gaguhan lang. Syempre mas madaming gaguhan pero may maayos, malalim, at masasayang pag-uusap tungkol sa mga bagay na sa dulo't dulo ay naiisip kong sila lang ang pwede ko makausap tungkol.

Sa bahay naman ay wala lang, ganun pa rin. Wala namang malaking malabong gulo na magdudulot ng anumang grabeng lungkot. Maayos ang pakikisama sa isa't isa kahit nga sa kuya ko, kahit papano. Patuloy akong natutuwa sa mga kwento ng bunso namin tungkol sa pag-aaral n'ya at sa mga pagkakampihan namin sa mga laro sa facebook. Kahit na bigayan man lang ng servings sa Baking life o ng Luxuries sa Hotel City.

Pero dahil wala akong kwentang nilalang at emo (daw) ako, malungkot ako. Kung isa akong stereotypical na emo ay yayaman ang Gilette sa akin.

Minsan nakasakay ako sa bus at nag-iimagine pa rin ako, naghahanap ng mga bagay na hindi ko naman ine-effortan makuha, hindi dahil sa tinatamad ako (ang karaniwang dahilan) kundi dahil hindi ko alam kung paano, tsaka natatakot na din, nanaman, eto nanaman. Kahit ako nagsasawa na sa paulit-ulit na kakornihang hindi sinosolusyonan.

Sadya lang yatang pinapakorni ko ang masaya ko namang mundo, pero naiingit ako, nalulungkot ako, nanghihinayang ako at naghahanap ako. Wala e, ganun yata talaga kapritso ko. Hindi ko nga alam bakit ginagawa ko pang vague ang mga statement ko, kunwari ba naman hindi n'yo pa alam. Ang labo ko talaga, walangya.

Sa wakas, Ang Kalahati ng Dahilan kung bakit ako Kumuha ng Hapon10 nuong first year

23 April 2010

Sa mga hindi nakakaalam, dalawa ang dahilan ko kung bakit ako kumuha ng Hapon 10 nuong unang taon ko sa Kolehiyo.
Una ay ang malaman ang ibic sabihin nuong CC> (basta mukhang ganyang yung characters)
sa ending ng Mask Rider Black.
Ikalawa ay ang malaman ang ibig sabihin ng "buyase" sa opening theme ng Daimos.
Ang nasagot lang sa mga tanong ko e yung una. Kasamaang palad hindi alam ng prof ko yung "buyase"
Yuon naman pala ay "moyase" ang tamang lyrics, hayup naman kasi yung pronounciation nuon.
May internet nga pala. Nahanap ko na ang complete translation ng Opening theme ng Daimos!

TATE! TOUSHOU DAIMOSU
(Arise! The King of Combat Daimos!)

Burn Burn Burn red-hot

Fan the flames of your raging heart

Beat them Beat them

Till the limits of your strength

Show them your karate

Shining gold

A gleaming giant drenched in the sun

The eyes gaze at the future

Praying for peace at last

They're calling

They're calling

Daimos Daimos Battle king Daimos

Everyone is calling you

Get near Get near Get right near them

There isn't time to dally

Shake Shake Shake the earth

Show them your strength

A fiery-colored sun

A sun-tinged steel giant

The knife hand shines

Brave the coming storms

They're calling
They're calling
Daimos Daimos Battle king Daimos
Everyone on earth's calling you

Do not weep Do not weep

You're a man Do not weep

In battle there's no need for tears

Defend Defend Till the limits of life defend

Show them your courage

A ??-colored sunset

A sun-tinged giant at rest

Possessing fighting spirit in the heart

Aiming for peace at last

They're calling

They're calling

Daimos Daimos Battle king Daimos

All friends of earth's calling you

Yay internets!

http://virtual-rotation.com/chirlind/others/sentai/daimos.html#tate

Tanungin mo si Ernest

02 April 2010

http://www.formspring.me/estongdakila
Dahil gusto kong tinatanong ako, dahil gusto kong sumasagot. (Tsaka dahil pa-importanteng bwakanang hayop ako) May Formspring account na ako, Yehey! Palakpakan! Patayin si Santino!

Tournament of Getting Awa (Google Translate is Coño)

25 March 2010

(May Blog entry ako na "Paligsahan ng Paghingi ng Awa" pinrompt akong i-translate ito mula Filipino sa Ingles. Sinubukan ko lang, komedya ampota :)))

Consecutive announcement of the politician want to be president, interfering little time each day nilalaan to watching TV. Villar to pinagpipilitan our hard lang talaga nung bata pa s'ya s'ya even s'ya private school attended and the three storey house they Tondo. The Noynoy that pinangangalandakan the 'achievements' of the parents while n'ya' di naman n'ya ignores the issue of Hacienda Luisita and Mendiola Massacre. Si Erap to pinangangalandakang denied him the Arroyo administration half term n'ya while Arroyo is also why independent s'ya today. Why do these at the top of the survey e nothing but magpaawa?

You see it was Villar, "I just returned me to being entrepreneurs." Why Manny, leave you? E you are the number one example of the capitalist burukrat. Run the country like a company. Not ordinary kurakot, ikaw yung tipong power not used for pagkamkam wealth but for konting maniobra that makakalamang you. Like that of the C5 road extension, you wander the streets of little benefit for Mr. naman. Villar.

Yun also means your campaigning, you yourself know you damaged sure-win that would have attended kandidaturya nung scene it was Noynoy. So now desperate can spend millions to raise itself in the ratings, to narrate the loss of your money. Ang galing, napakapoetic campaign, full of irony.

New School TRAPO be Manny, but still TRAPO the modern style, not too obvious. Pero ganun pa rin, concentrated gloss elegance, concentrated lie, concentrated for itself the doing.

We may forget about kay Erap? Convicted, CONVICTED, the graft & corruption. Stole that, knowing that, that that should makukulong if nerve lang yung judge. Mabubulok nga sana in Tanay in only if granted by Gloria (Morocco rin kasi we can die man President). Eto pa, just to prove that the insult dog called dog-eat-dog politics of the Philippines, RUN UNDER PRESIDENT! Inaway pa yung specific person nagpalaya him "Dog does not bite the hand that feeds it" apparently, some kind of animal it hinayupak to.

Have we forgotten that is why we cast him out of Malacañang this hayup it in the first place? I said when a rumor just to run it si Erap, if allowed s'ya Comelec, not that we really respect our own Constitution.

Ngayon naman, when it won si Erap, we no longer respect the Judicial system we decide him guilty, yet we do not pity our own country, our own family, the dish hinahain our table.

Who most Trapo mangandidato all candidates now? Si Noynoy! Hooray!

Who leads the survey? Si Noynoy! Hooray!

Kelangan that we stopped voting in the Icon. Erap won because the poverty Icon s'ya, Cory won was because s'ya Icon of the deceased was Trapong Ninoy Aquino (who were not be heroes if I just died in, which bwiset Trapo yan), Icon s'ya all the suffering of Martial Law and the Marcos regime. Why was leading Noynoy? S'ya you may experience? Nothing. Have proven that you s'ya? Nothing. S'yang you may do so? Ewan ko, malay natin? Magbabakasakali we nanaman an ICON that so lang naman n'ya run the party for e n'ya mother died and they masosolid n'ya Sympathy Vote (trying to usurp Villar with 'I died utol' line) . PUTANG INA! All that ad is a bald e pinangangalandakan n'ya how well the n'yang parents died and how n'ya want continue the initiated them. While stoned when you s'ya the issue about the administration of the mother n'ya or killed on land they answer e n'ya "Do ye pong toss to Senator Aquino achievements or achievements of n'ya relatives, others po si Senator Aquino, the po s'ya we judge. " Putang mother hypocritical double standard yan. E wala ka ngang maihusga to Noynoy, I s'yang meron naman e! Puro dada just about the stoppage of corruption while kaapu s'ya descendant of a master land pinagkakait to farmers in the land law that na should be them. Corruption? Ayun the corruption, the law does not apply to the Aquino family because they are more powerful.

Yes, I hate to hate to Aquino, for pinuputa n'ya us n'yang the deceased parents as reasons s'ya should vote. Sabagay, wala naman proud s'yang major bills passed as running mate n'ya. S'yang experience without the opponent n'ya. None s'yang anything, the meron lang si Noynoy is n'ya family, the rotten n'yang surname.

Yes that, somewhat irritated that the OA ko kay Noynoy, but for the mercy cheating, not cheating it three voting to ha? Please?

The *insert special occasion* Ultimate Playlist Challenge

18 February 2010

Okay, na-insipire ako nung plurk ni Othan na nanghihingi ng suggestions para sa mga kanta na pang JS Prom. Naisip ko lang, ang cool pala gumawa ng playlist para sa specific events. Halimbawa e yung Prom, o kaya Playlist kapag nakikiriot ka sa Quiapo gamit ang isang dos por dos. Kaya naisipan kong gumawa ng Challenge para sa sarili ko at para senyo na rin, gamit lamang ang lahat ng kanta na nasa Library ng media player ko ay gagawa ako ng playlist para sa matripan kong event. (note: yung dami ng kanta ay depende pa rin sa trip ko)

So Sampol muna: Playlist mo Kapag nahuhulog ka sa sobrang lalim na bangin.

1. Let's not Wrestle Mt. Heart Attack - Liars (dahil parang nahuhulog ka talaga sa bangin opening pa lang ng kantang to)

2. Slip - Kjwan (ang parang pinipreview na sa'yo yung nagbabagong apoy sa impyerno, tapos parang mamatay ka na talaga sa lyrics)

3. Sa Ilalim -Kjwan (wala lang kasi pun yung title)

4. Falling For You - Jem (para kunwari naiinlove ka lang kahit totoo lang mamatay ka na)

5. Everybody Thinks You're Crazy - Itchyworms (para mainis ka sa mundong ibabaw at gustuhin mo nang mamatay na lang talaga)

Limang kanta lang kasi malamang naman umabot ka na sa ending nung bangin n'yan.

Yay! Ang saya! Next time ulit!

Indiana Jones and the Room of the PackRat GeekBum!

16 February 2010

Geez, I just realized how much stuff I have lying around. I actually fear snakes might be living under my bed. Boxes upon boxes of books and sheets of paper and old notebooks and documents and photocopied readings and doodles and manuals and magazines and comics and stuff. Not to mention my toys and art tools and CDs and DVDs and dirty cotton buds and bloody laundry. Now there are cables and cords for the scanner, chargers for my handhelds, old game catridges, packs of cards, beer bottles, posters, old bags, a remote controlled car, old lamps, boxes with unknown content, empty cigarette boxes, robot exoskeletons, dead prostitutes, and the Holy Grail.

I do try to get stuff organized. Every time I do, I get sneezing fits and itch all over because I am allergic to dust (considering the amount of dust in my room, I should be dead by now). That is part of the reason that most of the stuff are in boxes and in drawers now (my only cabinet is reserved for clothes and I do not have shelves). I try my best to throw stuff out whenever I clean up, but the problem is the "throw-out" box, always end up being declared "Hey-I-could-use-this-for-some-crafts" box or "this-stuff-will-be-interesting-to-read-one-day" box and the like.

I would like to finish this blog entry and stuff, but I'm kinda in the middle of trying to organize and failing miserably at it, so there you go.

The Complexity of Memory Annoys Me

28 January 2010

I wish people would stop telling people what things remind them of, I know I must've done it a few times as well but I'm gonna stop it right now. People should stop telling people what things remind them of. People get reminded of  a lot of things during conversations, people get reminded a lot of things when we look at things, people get reminded by a lot of things all the time! It's annoying when they start going "oh that reminds me..." "it reminds me of..." nobody cares what it reminds you of, did you get your conversation skills from a shoe?

It especially annoys me when it involves some sort of artwork done. A webcomic I read once had a lot of comments saying "This feels so Calvin and Hobbes" the artist commented back sounding offended, she had no intention of it looking Calvin and Hobbes-ish, she is barely influenced by Calvin and Hobbes and the readers thought it was very Calvin and Hobbes because it had a FRIGGIN' SNOWMAN! What the fuck was that about? What good did your comment do? Who the hell needed that information? Saying something like that is saying something because you don't have nothing to say, if you have nothing to say then DON'T say anything. Especially about what shit reminds you of.

To those who follow me on plurk, you would be familiar with how I was annoyed by a comment saying that my poster design reminded somebody of the Loverage poster for the UP fair sometime back. Now that was damn annoying, even if you meant it as a compliment, how the fuck did that comparison help anyone? And the designs don't even look anything alike. If it reminds you of something it offends our attempt at being original. It offends me because I go to great lengths to make it look good and the best thing people would say is "hey, that reminds me of ________" fuck that.

Okay, there goes Ernie again complaining about shit that don't go his way. Just think about it okay? That shit ain't cool.

Pathetic Loser Admits Pathetic Loserness

29 December 2009

I admit it, you still make me feel weird.

Don't get me wrong I really really appreciate that your in love and all that. You like this guy, and he's probably a really nice guy, he's real good looking and all that, he's even artistic and all that, we could actually be buddies. But hell, here I am, being miserable for something that is five years old. God, I probably sound so pathetic right now.

I remember Prom night, yes this will so pathetic, when I held you in my arms and we danced some weird dance-like thing. I must've stepped on your foot for at least three times, cut me slack, I was nervous. Do you still remember what I told you? Probably not, fifty other guys were on the line to dance with you. I said, "Pinapangarap ko to ng tatlong taon.", something like that. Pathetic losers like me say stuff like that.

It's very very weird.

You know what I'm doing right now? I'm looking at your facebook photos, and photographs I took way back when. I am looking at them and I feel so pathetic doing it.

No, really, don't mind me. I'm a writer, I write stuff, this is what I do, so don't you go worrying about the stuff I've been saying. Not that you'll be able to read this anyway, never had that much confidence since second year highschool, and that was done in a really cowardly way too, giving you all those pathetic poems I did. Do you still have them? Probably stuffed underneath your pillow or something? Hah, I wish, if you still have it it's probably deep in the pile of stuff all the guys that try to win your heart has given you.

I don't even understand this, It's not like there were no girls after you, I had my fair share, and then some. You we're, like, the girl that never was. That I never went any distance with. Maybe that's it, I placed you on the pedestal, my deity, nobody can take you place inside of me, you'd always be that special creature of the human species that will torment my internal organs forever. And that makes me pathetic.

A friend says, "It's just weird, it's never pathetic." Maybe she's right, liking you is never pathetic, your the first girl I used the word "love" with, that may not be so pathetic. If you we're just another trophy beauty damsel then it would be very pathetic but you're not. You're the female human that stood in a place in my consciousness and never left.

I don't know, maybe I'm just regressing, sorry for wasting you're time. I'm pretty sure he's a great guy and he loves you very much. Click nga kayo 'di ba? Hahaha. yeah I stalk him too so I know he's pretty neat, and I hate that because it doesn't give me a reason to hate the guy. So there, just had to say it, keep in touch.

Sorry for being weird, don't worry, I have no idea what I'm talking about either.

Darkness

01 December 2009

The dark does not exist. It is no object. It is the absence. Absence of the truth that is light.

Endless, and the fall has begun

Flesh flies off my skin as I bleed into non-death

Your voice echoes in my skull

Painful.

Stop it, stop this damnation

My turn for a revelation

Destined for the generation

Bleed the darkness out your souls

Get out, you're the stain in blood

Get out, you're the mud in my veins

Get out, you're the evil

Eat my heart outside my conscious self.

Slowly the mirror has become my fear

Darkness creeps it's arms around me

Eternal embrace of its son

I don't want to see those arms around me

Save me from this plight

Give me some light

Can no longer fight

I am never by myself, but I'm alone tonight.

I'm no Genius, I'm no Activist, but I'm Not Enough of an Idiot to Not Say Something.

18 November 2009

Do you know these names? Noynoy Aquino? Of course, how abot Kris Aquino? Hell yeah, the Cojuangcos? It seems stupid to ask. How about these names: Jun David? No? Boy Verzola? Never heard? Neng Manalo? Random people you say? Nah, These are just the names of some of the farmers killed at the Hacienda Luisita Massacre. Yeah, doesn't really matter, does it? They don't affect your lives, they do their farming, they fertilize land with blood, the Cojuangcos live their nice and easy lives and you don't give a shit.

It's funny how easy we judge the villains in soap operas when we can't see the bad guys in real life.

Sure, Noynoy may not have ordered that massacre. Yeah, I AM judging him by his genetics. I want to know something from this Presidential Candidate, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT? Prove to me that you won't let your family influence you, prove to me what you can do for the farmers, point the finger on who actually is responsible for those deaths and that injustice and actually do something about it. All you did so far was blab on the newspapers that you want the Hacienda Luisita Lands to be given to them farmers, do something about it motherfucker.

Right now, it aint your fault. You let this slide and it will be.

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A few months ago, actually maybe even less than that, Legarda was accusing Villar of corruption on the C-5 road project. I definitely think that Legarda was just doing that to catch attention because her "climate change lady" image just isn't selling (if you don't remember, I don't blame you, she also used to be "poverty lady" and "social injustice lady"). That didn't work out quite well for her as well since she ended up sounding like Jamby Madrigal, and who the fuck would want to sound like a cam-whore? So scrap that, she goes into the "I-don't-want-to-talk-about-politics-I-want-to-focus-on-climate-change" mode, (she actually said those words) WHILE everybody is talking about Presidential aspirations, oh c'mon. That sounds so Presidentiable, I hate you Legarda.

And now, she's running with Villar as his Vice-Presidential candidate. Not that it was surprising, it was funny and annoying as hell. Now who  the fuck is telling the truth the whole time? We all know that Manny Villar went corrupt in that project, I just want somebody punished for corruption once in a while in this country. C'mon! The question I want to ask and I want to hear a goddamn straight answer from both of them WHO THE FUCK WAS TELLING THE TRUTH? Because if Villar was teling the truth that he didn't go corrupt on that project then Legarda was making baseless accusations and she's a liar who just wants some attention at the expense of a fellow senator.if LEGARDA was telling the truth then what the hell is Villar doing running for president? You want to give him MORE power?

I like Villar for pete's sake, he was the original rags to bureaucrat capitalist story. I just don't want him running the country, I'm fucking scared.

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What the fuck can I say about Bayani Fernando that hasn't been said already? He can't even fix Marikina, you expect him to fix a country? He think trees are like street lights you can pull out and replant. God bless the Ateneans wanting to pull up a "we love the environment" image for not letting Bayani Pull out the trees at Katipunan. He's a wonderful engineer, sure, he has great ideas sometimes but he can't solve all the problems, he can solve very specific type of problems that cover his field of knowledge. He isn't stupid, he's fucking ignorant of all the other things. He thinks the reason his methodologies aren't working is because we don't know how to follow the rules, Motherfucking idiot, does he even drive around Metro Manila? I want him to drive around Metro Manila every god condemned day of his life to see what kind of messed up things he comes up with and how it messes up everything else.

By the way, Pink and Blue is just a fucking ugly color for the streets, mix it with all that black from soot and its disgustingly ugly. Paint it silver or something, paint it Yellow, Paint it beige, blend to the street colors, just don't paint it fucking ugly blue and pink you idiot.

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I don't blame many people for liking Chiz Escudero, the guy is charismatic, he talks the talk, he talks quite a lot actually, and he actually thinks he's the Obama here, he's a fucking corrupt idiot.

I grew up surrounded by Sorsogon Politics, I know what Chiz has been doing all the time he was Representative of Sorsogon, effin' nothin'. He was too busy being a noisy young congressman from Bicol during the impeachment trials. He was busy being the so-called good-looking senator. He was too busy sounding smart and pretending to be smart to actually be smart. He's an overrated, overexposed motherfucker who talks too much.

YOUNG PEOPLE! Knock-knock! Chiz Escudero cannot save your country, he is another Feudal raised, corrupt son of a bitch. It just disgusts me that they even let him speak, everything he says is so written down on a piece of paper and memorized before he actually says it on cam. Geez, how I wish I could talk about everything he's been doing and the stuff he's been saying, and all that stuff but I promised my family I wouldn't. So I'll just say shut up Chiz.

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When I told my mom that Erap is running for President I did it via Yahoo! Messenger since she's out of the country, all she could reply was "OMG."

Geez, constitutional loopholes! We are going to allow somebody who is actually guilty of corruption to run for President? A womanizer, prolific gambler, corrupt motherfucker? Are we that stupid? Do we have absolutely no respect for our constitution or ourselves? THE GUY WAS CONVICTED GUILTY. G-U-I-L-T-Y. He is out on PARDON. PRESIDENTIAL PARDON. The guy's a convict for taking money of the taxes WE paid that could've been used to feed our families. The guy's convicted for protecting illegal gambling activity in the country, what the fuck else do you want to hear?

PLEASE! Joseph Estrada can't even respect  a little deal he signed for his pardon. "NO RUNNING FOR PUBLIC OFFICE" or even "THOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY", how the hell do you expect him to follow law like "Don't steal from your country ass-hole"?

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This is going to be one really retarded elections. With all this stupidity I would make you want to NOT vote. But fuckers that's the only thing we have to do in this Democracy. I fucking hope we choose the right one.

Miss

15 November 2009

I hate being stuck at home. I feel like a bum. I'm not a bum. I'm a freelancer. That's a job.

I miss being at school. Not going to classes, just being at school. Hanging out with my buddies and talking nothingness. I miss Christine. I miss Jammin, I miss Roxanne. I miss everyone.

I miss drinking beer with my buddies. Drinking beer should always be with buddies. I want to treat the guys out for beer. A small group would be better than a big group.

I miss being respected for what I do and what I choose. I guess too many wrong decisions forfeit that right. I hate feeling like a burden.

I hate wanting to die. Wanting to die is as pointless as fearing death.

I miss being able to smoke at the sunken garden. I miss the smell of freshly cut grass. I miss jeepneys.

I miss nights at UP, where everything is beautiful.

I miss falling in love.

I hate having to go back at the office. I hate the way my old boss looks at me like I'm worthless. I hate knowing that she's right.

I hate the questions they ask me. When are you graduating. When will you be back at school. What are you doing right now. Where do you work. What does that mean. How much do you get for it.

Tell me if I suck. I'd love it. Affirm the belief I've had for years.

I hate this. I miss you.

Nauubos nga Kaya?

11 November 2009

(oo, yan talaga ang title n'yan, hindi yan inagaw sa mga linya sa Katorse kahit na parang magkasing korni)

Paano kaya kung ang pagmamahal e nauubos. Yung tipo bang me stock ng pag-ibig sa puso mo, tapos kapag naubos na e wala na, di mo na kaya magmahal. Kahit anong pilit mo, di na kakagat ulit tulad ng dati.

Naisip ko lang naman kasi hindi ako sanay ng hindi ako inlab, taena komedya. Lagi akong inlab e, kung kanikanino, apaka bilis ko mainlab. May mga resurgence-resurgence pang nalalaman ang puso't damdamin ng bwakanang inang pakshet, tipo bang maiinlab pa ulit sa nainlaban na nya dati kahit hindi na naman sya inlab dun for quite some time. Inisip ko tuloy, sa dami ba ng nainlaban ko (taena, anong salita yan? nainlaban ampotah) e naubos na ba yung stock ko, di na kaya? Napamigay na lahat (kahit di nila lahat alam na nakakatanggap sila), ubos na, sa kabilang bahay na lang kayo mag trick or treat kasi di na kaya mamigay ng kendi ng mokong na to, 1 week old na pandesal na lang ang natitira, bonus na yung palamang ipis.

Inisip ko din, sakali ngang nauubos yung stock ng pag-ibig, parepareho kaya tayo ng dami ng pag-ibig? Baka merong mga sumisirit na sa puso nila yung pag-ibig, dyuskopoandame, tapos meron ding yung perslab nya na kaklasmeyt nyang tinuruan sya magtali ng sintas nung greyd tu lang ang kaya nyang maalayan ng pag-ibig, pagkatapos nun serial killer na s'ya. Halata naman kasing iba-iba tayo ng paraan ng paglustay sa pag-ibig na meron tayong naka stock, haypotetikali. Halimbawa nga ako, para akong bagitong bumberong perstaym humawak ng hose na sobrang lakas ng bugso ng tubig, edi kung sino-sino na nababasa, alang direksyon ampotah. Meron namang parang Kongresman, karamihan ng pork barrel e sa kanya lang. Papatayo lang s'ya isang put brids.

Tsaka, paano kay kinokompyut yun? Ibig ko sabihin, yung mga paraan ng pagpapakita ng pag-ibig may corresponding value ayon sa kung gaano kadaming pag-ibig ang kelangan i-alay. Siguro magastos yung magsimula ng bagong lab, kaya siguro ubos kaagad yung sa akin, bigay lang ako ng bigay e, walang maintenance.

Pero baka naman narereplenish, pede mag reload. Halimbawa nood ka ng mga pelikula ni John Lloyd e me sapat na bala ka na para mainlab ulit. O kaya may pace din ng pagreplenish, tapos depende ulit sa tao, ang jologs pero ang astig atdaseymtaym! Kelangan ko talaga malaman kung paano na rereplenish kung sakasakali, kasi kanina pinipilit kong mainlab ulit ayaw talaga, parang alam kong dapat naiinlab na ako, pero di sumusunod ang puso sa dinidikta ng isipan. Wala na daw kayang ibigay e, yata, di ko pa naman talaga nadidinig magsalita ang puso ko, bingi ako sa mga hiling ng damdamin, nakanatutsa, nakakadiring linya!

Pero syempre, haypotetikal lang nga, malay mo eklat ko lang to tapos di naman pala totoo, wala lang. Mali yung hula ko, tapos maya-maya naiinlab na ulit ako. Baka napapagod lang ang puso pero di nauubusan, naks, kanina pa ako bumabanat ng korning linya, ang korni-korni ko na, Walang wenta pa tong entry na to, halo-halong kagaguhan, kakornihan, kadramahan, malalim na linya, makekesong eklavu, nakakabanas na banat at jumbo blender na writing style pa ang gamit. Korni-korni ko talaga, ang wirdo lang kasi kapag hindi ka inlab.

How It's done

29 August 2009

I wake up.

I turn in bed, trying not to crush the cigarettes I always leave under my pillow, I check the time from my phone, I grab my wallet from inside my pillow. My towel, my dipper with all my toiletries, my blue slippers, all in that order, I go to the bathroom and bathe.

I am dressed.

I walk out to buy the usual, spanish bread, RC cola, smoke some left over cigarettes from yesterday, time to go.

I wait.

I wait until it is two hours before work before going to work, I wait and smoke and internet and walk around Quezon city. Quezon city is not flinching, Quezon city is fighting my mood with its life, its mechanical life, Quezon city cannot win with its MRTs and Buses and Jeeps and Malls and Buildings and Life.

I go to work,

All drained, all tired, all set up for a miserable day, expecting misery and stress and annoyance, I love hating this job, it drains me but reminds me of life, of my life, of a life for me.

I sleep,

I dream of how much I hate routine. And what a beautiful dream it is.

The Drifting Away/Brotherhood/Half the Pun

26 August 2009

The drifting away of a friend is a sad thing.

I don't know what happened, it seemed we jsut led two live too different. Sad as the truth is it shall be this truth that is the truth for this point of view, this point of view is to the passt, and nothing can change the past, it is what it is. A very peculiar history we had, a past for the history books.

It is also true that we had become friends, he became a guy I shared cigarettes and stories with, we had our laughs and out truths and he was a friend in a category no friend of mine has ever fallen into, but he was real, he was there, like a brother I was supposed to have in the first place.

He had his girl, I had my confused little ramblings about every girl that exists, we shared those stories. Perhaps much more to my expense than his, but I didn't care, we are friends, friends don't care about that shit. I even appreciated that his girl considers me some sort of expert in her boyfriend's personality, truth is I know him just as much as a man can tell why another man is acting like he is, we both had a chromosome that women didn't, that's it. We knew only what we wanted the other to know, perhaps he knew more about than I did about him simply because of how much he is aware of what he reveals of himself, but I was fine with that, that was more than enough to be a friend.

(Who drifted? Was it I? Because a drifting did happen, perhaps I was drowned by the sudden surge of new people that I learned to share similar things we shared, perhaps overwhelmed by the fact that it wasn't just our little gang of fools, but a bigger gang of fools. Perhaps I have become part of the whirpool while he had clung to a piece of driftwood, maybe I just didn't notice, and he just didn't want to make me notice.)

Now I know, now I know what I don't know, who I don't know, I don't know him, my friend and brother, I never did. He had always led alife different from mine and now we had took paths too skewed from the others. maybe our friendship was just a crossroad, a joining path, only to split again. We may not always be friends, but since the day brotherhood has begun, he will always be the brother that I do not share blood with.

Even Spiderman worries about his Web.

15 August 2009

I'm at another computer shop, I hate computer shops, I hate it when other people are there when I'm trying to write. My mind gets easily distracted by other people typing away on their keyborads, people talking to the clerks at the counter, people chatting on-line, people coming and going, the annoying sounds of door chimes, keys, coins, plastic bags, seats being pulled and pushed and dropped and shit. It's a stupid, stupid place to be.

I hate work days, since mobile broadband in the Philippines suck like ant-eaters I can't use my laptop for internet, there's absolutely no point, it's friggin expensive and the coverage doesn't even cover half of UP Diliman, not even a quarter, or an eighth.

Look at me, I spend a great chunk of my self set allowance on internet connection, I live for the net, considering my schedule which gives me only one day of the week where I can go over to my buddies in UP so I don't have to go to the internet shops just to talk to them and have something to for the four hours (more or less) of free time I have

I want a Monday-Tuesday day-off schedule, I hate mondays in the office and I hate having to go to computer shops instead of actually talking to my buddies and annoying them in person, and the internet just isn't the same as when I stay on-line for 12 hours or so a day when its my day-off, I wanna use my own PC, not a stupid, generic, ad laden PC from netopia or Orange.

So there, got to log out now, my bill is running high.

Eating Fire, Talking Ember

01 August 2009

Ang Pagod ay hindi pangyayari, ito ay isang bagay na pumapatong sa iyo na parang kumot, parang lambat na may mga mabibigat na bato para hindi mo matanggal, parang sapot na dinura sa'yo ng gadget sa pulso ni Spiderman, parang gorilyang sumampa sa likod mo, parang taling nagkapilipilipit, parang kailan lang, parang sandwich na nasa lunchbox mo, parang sirang plaka, parang kung anu-ano pa.

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Dubidubidoooo, dubidubidooooo,

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"Doesn't anybody from Britain work for T-mobile?!"

"Well, they would have British people, but they we're afraid they'd be racist."

Brown Monkey, Brown Monkey, never felt more of a brown monkey all my life, monkey monkey, dog eating monkey.

Gagawa ako ng t-shirt, susulat ko "DOG-EATER, bitch!" Mang-inis lang ba.

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Aringkingkingking, Aringkingkingking,

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Sa wakas pahinga na, siyam na oras na lang pahinga na, pahinga na, daldalan mo na lang yung ulol, matatapos din yan, kidlatan mo kung makulit, Street Fighter mode na, HadukeeeEn! HadukeeEeEn! Mamatay ka! Mamatay ka!!!

Shinkuuuuu... HADOUKEEEEEEEN!!!
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Ah, the sweet, sweet relief of release.