29 December 2009
I admit it, you still make me feel weird.
One Day I Found Myself in Diaspora
I admit it, you still make me feel weird.
by Unknown at 6:15 AM 32 things said
Labels: anaknigod, hayskul, historylesson, labistori, overdrama, pangsayangoras, sorry, tulala, watdapak, yosistory
http://www.plurk.com/p/2z83jx
Isang Mabilis na ginawang fiction, presented sa format ng Plurk.
by Unknown at 2:58 AM 0 things said
Labels: anaknigod, fiction, hayskul, kamalasankontodo, kwentistainme, overdrama, plurk, watdapak, yosistory
Hindi na ikaw ang kilala ng ako na hindi na ako.
Sa musmos nating mga isipan naglalakbay
Ang mga anino ng mga tayo na tayo na ngayon.
Patunay lamang ang kakayahan kong sabihing
Minsan tayo'y naging mga muyit na walang muwang
Sa katotohanang hindi na ako at hindi na ikaw
Ang nakalarawan sa guhit ng lahat ng nakaraan na.
Sa panghuhuli ng tutubi at pagpapalipad ng saranggola
Minsa'y nakilala din ng lupa ang pakiramdam
Ng init ng ating mga hubad na talampakan.
Madaming araw na din ang namatay
Mula nuong huling nakisayaw ang mga puno
Sa awitin nating mga batang naghahalakhakan.
Hindi na alam ng mga bituin kung alin sa milyong mga matang
Nakatulala sa hiwaga nila ang sa atin.
Hindi na napapansin ng mga mikrobyo ang mga sugat
Lalo't hindi na dala ng pagkakapatid sa konkretong palaruan.
Hindi na kita kilala at hindi na tayo kilala ng ating mundo
Dahil ikaw at ako na lang ang may alam
Nang kung sino tayo noon.
by Unknown at 6:54 PM 3 things said
Labels: anaknigod, hadbentyur, hayskul, labistori, lipad, panpil, tulala, up
I was planning to write something about the Columbine Highschool Massacre that happened 10 years ago after I read about it as I browsed old time magazines I had, I was waiting for April 20, 2009, to time it with the exact date they did what they did, but the Binghamton massacre made me do it earlier
13 innocent deaths on an April day, I thought the last time I would read about that is when I read about the Columbine Massacre, 4:20:1999.
4:20:1889 a man who would grow-up to kill in a more massive scale was born, Adolf Hitler.
I was suppposed to write something about kids, about how the society of highschools and the influences of media and the bazaar of options, to kids my age and younger, are confusing us. Making us make the wrong choices, realizing it too late or never realizing at all.
How you start associating yourself to things of power and mystery, losing your individual and falling into a type, a class, a group, a costumed pack. Guns, Hitler, Trenchcoats, those were supposed to be my accesories to a topic about Teens, Angst, and Life.
Now there is only one topic left to talk about and it is a topic I don't like,
Death.
by Unknown at 9:05 PM 1 things said
Labels: anaknigod, binghamtonmassacre, columbinemassacre, enggelis, hayskul, historylesson, kwentistainme, yosistory
(title mula sa isang linya sa ODID)
Nariyan ka, nandito ako, wala sanang problema kung wala din sila, kaso nariyan sila.
Ang hirap mo namang tsempuhang mag-isa.
Darating ka't makikihati sa kanilang tawanan, ang magagawa ko lang ay pagmasdan ka at magkunwaring okey lang sa akin kahit na nandyan pa sila at di kita makausap mag-isa.
Sana naman mapansin mo na nabuburyong ako, nalulungkot ako, naiinis ako sa sarili ko na hindi ko masabi sa'yo kasi ayoko sabihin sa'yo habang di sinasadyang nasasabi din sa kanila. Hindi naman sa nahihiya ako sa nararamdaman ko, nahihiya ako sa mga iniisip kong baka nararamdaman mo, o mas tama bang sabihing hindi mo nararamdaman?
Nagawa ko na pala dati yun, yung tayong dalawa lang, yung kwentuhang walang point, medyo seryoso, medyo hinde, medyo ranting, medyo dramatic, sabi ko romantic, sabi mo "EeeeW", haha. Nakakatuwa naman, yun na yata ang paborito kong araw, este, gabi pala.
Hindi na yata mauulit ang ganoong gabi, sana kahit hindi gabi, pinakamatagal na kitang na solo ang tatlumpung segundo kapag may araw, tapos umalis ka din. Sayang, iba pa man din ang tama ng araw sa'yo noon, parang tumaas ang albedo mo, bigla ka naging reflective, glowing, basta, ang ganda mo talaga.
Putsa, hindi na ako maninigarilyo pag nandyan ka, matsempuhan lang kita mag-isa. Pero masisisi mo ba ako kung magsisindi ako? Kinakabahan ako ng grabe, pangtanggal ng tensyon kumbaga, nanginginig nga ang kamay ko sa lighter, at bigla bigla na lang nagkakaroon ng pawis na wala naman dun kanina.
Hirap mo naman tsempuhang mag-isa.
by Unknown at 10:26 PM 14 things said
Labels: anaknigod, hadbentyur, hayskul, kamalasankontodo, kwentistainme, labistori, otherblogs, panpil, plurk, tulala, yosistory
Mahilig ako sa gabi, walang context, ako lang ba ang nakaisip ng context? Basta, gusto ko talaga ang gabi, yung dilim, yung bilog na bilog na buwan, tulad ngayon, yung madilim, yung mga ulap, yung mga poste ng ilaw, lalo na kung mahina yung ilaw, tapos yung lumang bumbilya na dilaw yung ilaw, ang galing, nakakaiyak sa ganda.
Madami akong ala-ala sa gabi, andun yung nagsesenti ako sa kwarto nung bata pa ako habang naghihintay na may dumaang witch sa ilaw ng buwan sa bintana namin, yung bintana na sliding, yung kahoy na may squares na mother-of-pearl. Galing.
Naalala ko nung hayskul, kapag tumetengga ako sa kwarto ko ng gabi, kahit pinapapak na ako ng lamok e iiwan ko pa rin bukas ang bintana para makita ko ang buwan at mahanginan ako ng hangin ng gabi. Masarap magsulat, kahit wala ako masyado nasusulat pag gabi, at puro tulang eng-eng ang gawa ko no'n. Masarap mag-isip, magplano ng future, ngayon kasi hanggang bukas na lang ang future na napaplano ko.
Naalala ko din nung nagsusulat ako ng tula nung hayskul sa sementeryo, malawak na damuhang sementeryo, gabi nun at undas, yun yata ang una kong sunken garden moment, basta, iba ang epekto n'ya sa akin.
Ngayon gusto ko talaga ang gabi sa UP, yung UP fair, yung mahaba na kulitan sa sunken pagkatapos ng Lantern Parade, yung mga tambay lang, nagkadalahang kwentuhan pagkatapos ng klase, uuwi na lubog na ang araw. Kung wala lang akong anxiety sa pagpapagabi ay ako na ang pinakamasayang tao sa buong mundo tuwing ginagabi ako sa UP.
Isama mo na yung usok ng sigarilyo, yung pagtengga na walang pakialam, yung happy-go-lucky ko na moda, yung pagkalimot sa madaming bagay at madaming maling desisyon na nagdala ng madami kong problema.
Andun na din yung paglalakad sa Univ Ave galing sa mga concert, masaya, nakakatuwa. Paborito ko pa rin yung sa Acad oval, mas maganda tignan yung mga jeep, kotse, at poste ng ilaw, pati na din yung mangilan-ngilan na bukas na ilaw sa mga bilding. Yung gabi, yung kwentuhan na naimpluwensyahan na ng gabi, parang droga, bangag ka na sa epekto ng lahat ng elemento. Lahat ng bagay gumaganda, kahit ano, o sino, na akala mo wala nang igaganda pa, pinagaganda ng gabi.
Kaya nakaka inlab yang gabi, mahilig ako sa gabi, siguro nga mahilig din ako 'pag' gabi. Ewan ko, basta masarap sa gabi, tara, gusto ko mag pagabi. Kung mamamatay ako, gusto ko sa gabi, sa malawak na lugar na kita ko ang madaming liwanag at dinig ko ang mga ingay, pero walang nakakakita sa akin, di ako nakikitang ngumiti para mag-paalam sa pinakamamahal kong kadiliman.
by Unknown at 4:05 AM 27 things said
Labels: anaknigod, cilva, hadbentyur, hayskul, historylesson, kwentistainme, labistori, panpil, tulala, up, yosistory
I'm gonna sit down and write a story
I'm gonna sit down in the middle of the night
I'm gonna sit outside with some coffee
I'm gonna sit, would you want a light?
I don't even know what story to tell
I'm so happy I can't even sa life is hell
I'm euphoric, I'll buy anything you'll sell
Oh, give me a bell.
I'm rhyming stupid words tonight
My mind is in a roundtrip flight
I seem to win a sad, sad fight
Everything's so bright.
I remember I love you tonight.
Maligayang pagbabalik kay Cilva,
I'm Back, here I go again, out of the shelved personalities, uh, shelf and back to the real world. Trying to keep this mind sane with unreal thoughts, with fantasies, with poetic stupidity and other equally beautiful things. It seems like I'm needed again, or maybe the events just give me chance to re-express my existence to this set of personalities. Its good to be back, its good to have changed a bit with my years of hibernation, its good to know that my little boy has bigger problems now than the ones he had when he created me. It does look bleaker now, but things are happier, its easier to solve these harder problems now even if I'm not much of a problem solver myself and more of the dude who tells the things that happen as exagerratedly emo as possible. See, I used the word emo, I never used that before my hibernation!
Is my little boy back to his mushy, cheesy, corny old ways? Well, no, he seems to need me for a completely different reason now, I have no idea what, I just do what I'm told now, no longer telling him how to do things *sniff*. This puts a tear in the eye, he's so grown-up, he actually got over me, and now he needs me to be better.
No, not much of the mushy stuff, maybe a little here and there, but I'm back, ladies and gentlemen, Cilva is back.
by Unknown at 5:42 AM 11 things said
Labels: anaknigod, cilva, enggelis, hadbentyur, hayskul, pagmumukha, watdapak
by Unknown at 9:23 AM 22 things said
Labels: anaknigod, hadbentyur, hayskul, historylesson, kalokohanlang, kamalasankontodo, nangiinis, pangsayangoras, supot, tulala, watdapak, yosistory
Okay, Roxanne inspired me to blog about gaming, here I am.
I am not an on-line gamer, I don't like playing with other people, I want to rule my FFX Universe weilding the Caladbolg, Collecting Phoenix pinions and Dark Matters to be able to create my own Celestial weapon more powerful than any the game gave me. I want to learn the secret of my identity, search for a way to defeat Yu Yevon, rescue my father from completely being the monster SIN. I hate Meister Seymour with all my heart, I fear battling Dark Aeons, the only ones that can still survive after a 12x 99999 damage combo from the strongest overdrive manuever Attack reels of Wakka and his Celestial Blitz Ball "World Champion". I honestly get cheered up everytime I ride my chocobo around the Calm lands, racing the birds.
I love even the mini-games, I could spend hours just playing Blitz Ball. Scourging the planet for potentially great Blitz Ball Players, getting really high everytime I use Jecht shot 2, the rarest and most difficult to learn move. Loving that no one can beat my frontliners, Tidus, on the left, Wakka on the Right, Brother leading the midfeild, I don't even care about my defensive line, them three are enough. Actually, they are so strong that Brother and Tidus are enough. I am undefeated, I challenge myself with goals, like "win with final score 12-0".
It affected my real life, at one point, I believed I could just reset my life and continue from the last save point. I couldn't, there was only one go through, no save points, I couldn't reset my life and when I realized that the mistake I did was irreversible. It sucked, I wanted to live Tidus's life. I summoned aeons in my head, imagining they devoured my enemies. but that was the point, I was only imagining, It wasn't real.
Final Fantasy X, wow, I loved that game, I finished it and I just had to keep playing. I don't play it anymore, I still play, but I got tired of RPGs like that, Final Fantasy X will be the last Final Fantasy for me.
by Unknown at 1:11 AM 2 things said
Labels: anaknigod, enggelis, hayskul, historylesson, kamalasankontodo, labistori, watdapak
(i know its late for a valentine's blog)
Another Valentine's day comes to me and leaves me without me giving much of a shit to what I should do about it, because I used to do something about it.
Valentine's Days never really told many stories for me. It doesn't tell the story of me and my girl sitting in front of a movie screen, nibbling on popcorn, and not really giving a damn about what the movie is about. Being too busy watching the beauty of each other's eyes. It doesn't tell the story of me and my girl running and laughing on an open feild, pretending to be athletic enough to catch frisbees, ending up falling to the ground still laughing. And it sure as hell doesn't tell the story of me and my girl eating bland food that peculiarly tastes good over dim candle light that seems just enough to show how madly in-love we are. In the first place, it does NOT tell the story of me and my girl, or any girl for that matter.
I used to plan for the fucking day (Fucking day, seems perfectly apt), writing love letters and all that shit. I used to write love letters for friends to give to their girlfriends, that made me feel awful. I used to write for girls I like too, made me feel worse, never gave any of them any of those, for some reason. I wrote poems too, but I do that even if it isn't Valentine's anyway. I used to think of how I would walk up to these dieties and give them a letter, or treat them to ice cream, or simply offer to walk them home. I used to plan that kind of shit, not anymore though, not much anyway. I never did any of those things I planned too, I just keep planning. I know, its stupid, its cowardly, its the kind of thing a torpe would do. I know, you actually thought I didn't know? i do.
I don'y know why I don't do those anymore, perhaps I ran out of dieties to worship. Perhaps I got bored of worshiping cold stone statues (figuartively, of course). I want to do them again, but I made a promise, I broke a lot of them but I'm keeping this one.
by Unknown at 4:25 AM 15 things said
Labels: hayskul, historylesson, kalokohanlang, kamalasankontodo, labistori, supot, tulala, watdapak, yosistory
Mayroon akong dalawang paraan ng pagsulat ng tula noon, sobrang lalim at sobrang babaw, madalas pag tagalog ay mababaw ang lenggwahe (bukod pag nag sesenti) at ang ingles ay malalim. Eto ang halimbawa ng tulang ingles na mababaw at tulang malalim.
Rain Dancers
Pittering and pattering
The dancers dance in the rain
Pittering and pattering
Splashing on ponds and plains
Kicking on the water
On these miniature seas
The droplets of water
Are swinging with the breeze
Pittering and pattering
As long as they please
Pittering and pattering
On rooftops and trees
But last long it will not
Soon all will end
Droplets the dancers, the lot
And a message they will send;
"We're off to the mountains
And off of these plains
For in thid land it no longer rains!"
"And on those high mountains
If it ceases to rain,
Do not mourn, we'll be back!
To dance more upon your plains!"
Concrete Souls
No warrior is with no sheild
As no sheild is with no sword
For of all the blood he spreads on the feild
All that remains is a part of his word
No warrior is with no wounds
As no wounds are with no tears
But these tears are not from wounds
His tears are from the fears
If there was a pain much more painful
Than the pain much more than pain
Those from wounds not laden with blood
Rather those are from wounds laden with stain
And a battle is only won when the adversary has retreated
They have retreated, yes, but they are defeated, no
For the war is of battles of pain chosen not to be afflicted
So to lose and be defeated is when chosen to be so
If the journey is not continued
Then your Excalibur will not be sought
But if fear has placed the period
You lose the battles you never fought
A true warrior has a heart with a love that's loving
A love that loves much more than love
The love of victory for victory is a false being
For victory is attained when victory is loved
A true warrior has wounds, a true warrior has fears
Yet these wounds have no stain, and these fears have no way
For fear is not a fear when that fear is with a tear
And may a stain, stain if you lay that it may not may, that I say.
by Unknown at 3:13 AM 3 things said
Labels: anaknigod, bloodgloriousblood, enggelis, hayskul, nangiinis, pangsayangoras, tulala, watdapak
Bilang Pag salubong sa bagong taon, nais kong i-post ang ilang Luma kong isinulat, nuong Hayskul pa nag-exist ang mga katarantaduhang ito, Kaya wag nyo naman masyado awayin kasi aminado naman akong hindi magaganda yung iba dito.
Kaya ko naman Pinost to e para may luma naman sa bagong taon. Gusto ko sana lagyan ng Commentary ng mga parte na nakokornihan ako kaso naisip kong masisira lang kaya heniwey, eto na.
Awit Ng Dagat
Walang ano mang bagay na mas gaganda pa,
Sa Paglamon ng Dagat sa araw na palubog na,
Akala ko talaga wala nang mas gaganda,
Hanggang sa panahong nasilayan kita.
Sa harap ng dagat na tila walang hanggan,
Akin pang iniisip kung ika'y nasaan,
Kahit anong gawin hindi ko mapigilan,
Isiping ako'y napalayo sayong kagandahan.
Kung ako'y namangha sa araw na lumulubog,
Sa iyong ngiti lang puso ko ay nahuilog,
Kaya't kahit saglit sa diyos ko ay dinulog,
Mawala ka sa isip ng ako'y makatulog.
Kalungkutan na lamang ang nadarama ko,
Ng sa tabing dagat muli akong napapadayo,
Dahil sa isip at puso doon ay alam ko,
Na hindi para sa akin ang pag-ibig mo.
Kung dumating ang oras na umawit ang dagat,
Sa isang boses na matamis na lulunod sa alat,
Alat ng mga luha, luha ng talunan,
Mag-aabala ka kayang ito ay pakinggan?
Kung umawit ang dagat at sabihin nito sa'yo,
Tunay na wikang sigaw ng aking puso,
Sana umawt ang dagat sana nga ito'y totoo,
Ng ang dagat ang mag-sabi ng mga hinaing ko.
Oblivion
I rest in the state of shadowed dreams,
Where the loving are the afflicted,
A place are all are but what it seems,
Where my heart is seeded with hatred.
To love a she that refuses to be,
Is the state to end with the hopeless,
But why I did not see that the hopeless was me,
Is a question that to answer is the hardest.
To oblivion, that is, I fear my state.
To the point I am forever in shadows,
For I am the one you know I know you hate,
Just a victim of love's cursed arrows.
To recall my past is to see your smile,
To hold on is harder that to let go,
All love did to me was to defile,
For my heart is weak, no love can show.
In my Heart the pain I keep,
Yet the love is in my hand,
In your presence I will not weep,
In a mockery of pride I stand.
I will not rest on this nameless grave,
And I am not to be merely a cumber.
Time tells I'll rise from this shadowed cave,
To prove I am man not hinder.
THE ASSUMPTAN
Rise from the dust, Assumptan.
From the dust you have risen, we begin.
Bring on the Challenges, We bring the feats.
We are Assumptans, none to fear.
Our tears are the fears of the Champions.
In this Kindom what is ours is the throne.
Cry not of sorrow, cry with Joy,
We shall suceed without foil.
Dayalogo ng isang mamamatay na Ama at kanyang Anak
Itay...
Huwag ka na magsalita, huwag mo na itanggi, alam kong ito na ang katapusan ko. Nadarama ng mga buto ko ang hindi kayng bitawan ng iyong mga labi. Nais na ng Kaluluwa kong lumayo ngunit kailangan kong tapusin ang lahat bago paman ito tapusin para sa akin. Sa'yo ko ito ihahabilin anak...
Itay ano bang ibig mo sabihin? Matatag ka, matatag tayo! Huwag ka bibitiw Tay!
Tumigil ka nga! Naiintindihan ko na ang lahat, madami na akong sinayang na lakas sa pagkapit sa buhay na ito, pero mas marami ang kailangan para tanggapin ang kamatayan. Hindi na ako natatakot, natatakot ka ba? Kung natatakot ka ay huwag ka matakot.
Paano ako? Paano kami?
Di ka mapapano, ako ang mapapano, ako kaya ang nakaratay sa ospital hindi ikaw. Matatag ka pa sa akin, asa iyo ang marka ng lahi ko. Tignan mo yang mga kamay na magaspang sa paghawak ng martilyo, at mga matang hindi na marunong umiyak dahil sa pagtitig sa araw. Ang sa iyo ay ang Dangal, ang Karunungan, Ang Lakas ng dugo ko. Ang sa akin ay ang sakit at hirap na lang, wala na akong oras mag habilin, wala na namang akong kailangan sabihin pa, nalulungkot lang ako na hindi na kita makikitang magkapamilya din, pero masaya ako na nakikitang posible pa mangyari yun.
Hindi 'tay, makikita n'yo ako. Mula sa lngit 'tay. Maipagmamalaki mo ako sa Diyos at kay San Pedro.
Anak, tama na ang pagkapit mo sa kamay ko, oras na para bumitaw.
Thanathos
(basahin nyo yung Capital letters sa gilid nung tula para makita nyo yung hidden agenda ng tulang ito. Alam kong hindi original, nga pala Sister Lina ang pangalan ng Principal namin nung Hayskul kung gets nyo. On the other hand ito ay isang character build ng Grim Reaper na hindi naman bad guy kundi taong taga-hakot lang talaga ng souls)
Princes of the dark choose not to be
Under the curse of this black sea
The ocean above with bright whites
And souls that blindly travel the nights
Never again will I look in the sky
Grim ang defeated, no reaper will not lie.
In the edge of his blade cold blood glimmers
Now it is no mystery why red is this river
And his choices, you would beg, would not differ
Monster is this whose death is his gift
Or victim merely of destinous drift
Sin is it to take the souls of the dead
If to do it is to do what is to do and say what is to be said
Soon hell will not be fit for them sinners
Then Asgard would not be at lost for the fathers
Even Odin can do nothing when to him Thanathos says:
Reap them souls of gods for here comes the end of days
Lost we are in thoughts of nonsense
Inside our hearts we overlook a soft tense
Never deny did you that this reaper is a monster
And yet who would've thought it could be another?
Personnel's Day Closing Remarks Speech (3rd year)
(ganito ako gumawa ng speech, pati slip of the tounge at side comment scripted, pero may mga impromptu adlib din ako. Ginawa ko ito kasi nung nanalo ako sa SC elections ay inobliga ako nung current SC president na mag Closing sa PD. Nga pala hindi ako blasphemous dito, mabait ako kay God dito, prendster pa kami nyan)
It has been a great day, a day where we express our gratitude to the people who make our lives, our student lives, convenient and, well, eventful. A day where students, that's you guys, do their best to return the favor we recieve. The favor we recieve as a bonus, much more than what we paid for. We can say we got our money's worth.
But this event would not have been anything at all. Nothing if not for the hardwork of the current SCB, the outstanding and tireless efforts they gave, the teachers who rode with our little game, The personnel who gave effort to stop from their usual routines to give time for this silly presentation, and to the students who are simply too happy to oblige. to God of course, who gave the students capabilities to give tribute to the personnel, gave the Assumptan Community a unity much more than a community of friends, here we are a family.
Kuya, ate, manang, manong, Sir, Ma'am, today is your day, you deserve it! You too deserve the title OSA like our sisters here. No, not Order of St, Augustine, rather, Over Staying Assumptans. Thank you for welcoming us to the family.
So with every speck of dust that our custodians sweep, remember, that these are specks of passion. Everytime we purchase anything from the canteen, every item contains passion. every assignment you oh so hate, every learning you get from our teachers contain passion. Today we paid tribute to not only their work but that infinite passion.
We end this day not with gifts we give nor the words I say, we cannot give nor say anything near enough, my friends let us pray our thanks, let God do the thanking for us. Also, I know you are all so awed by my great public speaking skills, but please hold the applause. Let the applause be for the Clorious Men and Women before me. Thank you and good day.
by Unknown at 6:14 AM 4 things said
Labels: anaknigod, bloodgloriousblood, enggelis, hayskul, kalokohanlang, nangiinis, pangsayangoras, supot, watdapak