Misery Needs

01 June 2008

I don't know, I feel so pathetic, maybe they're right, perhaps I am too eager. Maybe if I sit it out it'll leave on its own, maybe the eagerness and the longing would wear off. Maybe the envy and bitterness would go too, you never know.

I know one thing, I shouldn't have clicked that link, I knew I'd just feel pathetic, I didn't expect to what though, I just had a premonition of a pathetic feeling not knowing the type of shit that would be causing it. They say misery loves company, maybe its because the absence of company is the cause of misery, I don't know, I even sound pathetic.

[ ha! i love remaining slightly vague, almost obvious when it comes to blogs about this shit. Now, this is what you call selfish writing.]

So its clear to me now that I don't really feel the feeling I thought I felt. I just felt like feeling the feeling I thought I felt. It was stupid I even felt like feeling that feeling I thought I felt, its jsut stupid.

[now i'm freakingly afraid I'm not being vague enough.]

I just realized the stupidity now, even if I was already told that it was stupid. I just realized it now, and it is, stupid that is. I know its only fruit of my eagerness and I proved that when I got fucking bitter that I was so much a fucking miser and other people aren't.

Geez, and a few days ago i thought I was growing up, I'm still acting and talking like a friggin kid. All this wanting and shit makes me feel even more pathetic (realizing that I am pathetic is bad for my health). Why the hell am I so fucking eager? I don't get it! Why am I wanting this kind of shit? I don't need this shit to live (phsiologically anyway). I've lived eighteen years without it and I'm here. Maybe I can get a few years pass the ravine, maybe even get a decent length of life without it, I need to cool it, really.

There are other forms of misericide other than that I'm so eager for, there's the form of misericide I just found out about about a few months before this multiply site was born, there's the misericide I had since birth that I am in need of supplements for, there's the misericide of not using misericide, but I'm not using that, I haven't used misericide for years and look at me, blogging, so pathetic.

[ ah, symbolisms and inventing new words, perfect cure to almost becoming too obvious.]

You know what I really want? For people to actually understand this blog entry. For somebody out there to give me something I'd have some use for. Because even if I did realize that my words do need filters now, i still buy the filters that filter least.

SOMEBODY PLEASE WORKHARD, BREAK MY SHEILD, FIND OUT WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, CATCH ME OFF GUARD, TAKE ME TO THE STREETS, REVEAL ME, NAKES TO THE WORLD, HELP ME, RID ME OFF IT.

Misey loves company.