Bus Rides and Thunderclaps

22 May 2009

Screw Psychology, absence DOES make the heart grow fonder.

I ride buses to and from work and my thoughts have been flying and landing on your trees, on your land, on you, the thought of you.

You have a personality stronger than mine, you are someone I actually want to struggle hard to impress. I don't even know what I can offer you to make you even consider listening to me, I just have myself, my hopelessly romantic heart, my fragmented mind, my unfed soul, my overdramatized life. I can be your stuff toy perhaps, your compliment machine, maybe just someone to talk to, someone to share stuff with, someone you can probably find from someone else. I've got nothing, it's the worst offer in the world.

How many conversations have we had? I mean talking for more than two minutes? I can remember laughing with you during the first time, I remember molding stuff on your rubber eraser the second time, I remember walking with you on a beautiful night (almost as beautiful as you), I writing a million words about something happening to me that I know hasn't happened for a long time. I remember because there is no other option, I cannot forget.

I take the bus home and the sun is already high in the sky, I feel the heat on my skin, the wind blows on my skin and I by its howl I cannot hear a thing but a memory of you, laughing. I ride and I ride alone sitting inside a metal box with strangers, and all I can think of is how much better life could be made if only I had you even for that moment beside me. Even if you say nothing, even if you ignore me, even if you don't even know I'm there, just having you near.

I wish I could see you, have you alone for even just a minute, just enough for me to tell you up front, to tell you myself, because i know you hate it when I say stuff like this where other people can read.

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I want to be a thunderclap, for it comes always after lightning.